All You Need To Know About A BPD “Favorite Person” Relationship


Borderline Personality Disorder

Last updated on September 29, 2022: Published on September 30, 2022

We all have that one person in our lives that we prefer more than anyone else, but someone with borderline personality disorder can take “favorite person” a little too much. Did you know that nearly 1.4% of people in the United States alone live with a borderline personality?

One of the characteristics of BPD is that they either idolize or underestimate others. In some cases, a person with BPD can feel connected to a person; a “favorite person”; and may prefer to spend time with them than with others. This BPD “favorite person” can be a teacher, mentor, partner, family member, or friend.

However, if their “love person” is busy or there is a fight between them, then this can trigger it fear of being abandoned, Panic and Anger in BPD. For this reason, too, the relationship of the favorite person can fluctuate between affection and dislike.

Let’s find out what the BPS “Favorite Person” relationship is, what it looks like, and how to keep the relationship healthy.

What is a BPD Favorite Person?

For someone with BPD, a favorite person, as the term suggests, is an important person who they choose above all others. The “favorite person” can be their partner, friend, family member, or even a therapist. This “favorite person” is one of the main sources of their validation and happiness, and any conflict or disagreement with this person can trigger those with BPD.

It is normal for everyone to have a person who makes them smile, supports them and even shares all their joys and sorrows, but for them someone with BPDtheir favorite person is everything to them, an anchor without which they cannot function.

A person with BPD experiences mood swings that can cause them to struggle for a sense of stability and security. In these moments, they like to seek out their favorite person to find the necessary stability.

For those with a borderline personality, a favorite person can look like a savior and they will idolize that person. So being separated from them or feeling a chasm between them can often lead to unhealthy attachment, anger, fear, panic and a sense of abandonment.

Signs of a BPD “Favorite Person” Relationship

The relationship between a person with BPD and their loved one can be intense. Someone with BPD may become too dependent on their loved one for validation, approval, reassurance, and guidance. This kind of favorite human relationship can be unhealthy when there are no boundaries.

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Often, the one with BPD may read between the lines too much and become possessive (even borderline obsessive) and can begin to dominate the relationship. To test their favorite person’s boundaries, love, and loyalty, they might even challenge or test them to prove it.

Here are some signs that you have and are a favorite of someone with BPD:

If you have BPD:

  • You experience jealousy when your favorite person spends time with others
  • You crave a lot of attention from your favorite person
  • You see them as perfect people without flaws and you may even create fantasies around them
  • You are always eager to please your favorite person

If you have a loved one with BPD:

  • They are your loved one’s first point of contact and they always keep you up to date on the little things in their lives
  • They feel pressured to lighten their mood and almost feel responsible for their behavior
  • You always offer your loved one the affirmation of love
  • You feel needed by your loved one with BPD because they always include you in their decisions
  • You think of your loved one before making decisions to avoid future tantrums

Risks of a BPD “darling person” relationship

Being and having a BPD “favorite person” can affect your emotional well-being. For example, you might have some intense emotions related to the relationship but your favorite person might be doing it and that would cause you to feel down.

Here are some of the most common risks of a borderline favorite person relationship:

  • Emotional dysregulation
  • The constant fear of being abandoned
  • A… have codependent relationship
  • neglect of other relationships
  • Neglect hobbies or interests
  • Self-harm and other unhealthy coping habits

Tips to keep the BPD “Favorite Person” relationship healthy

Not all BPS favorite person relationships are unhealthy or doomed to fail. In some cases, healthy habits and boundaries in the relationship can be supportive and even healing. Here are some tips to help you navigate a “loved person” relationship:

If you have BPS

  • Describe your behavior: It will be helpful if you can identify your behavior and name it when it happens. Recognize the “favorite person” relationship.
  • Focus on other things: Even if it’s hard for you, try to focus on your other relationships and hobbies. This will help take some of the pressure off of your “favorite person”.
  • Think before you act: It’s common to lash out with passive aggressiveness when you’re upset, but instead of reacting, stop, think, and then act.
  • Acknowledge the pain: No one is perfect, and even your “favourite person” is sure to annoy you. Acknowledge the fact that they will upset or disappoint you. And it’s okay.

If you are a “favorite person”.

  • Learning to say “NO”: You are not obliged to fulfill your loved one’s every wish and to indulge their every whim. Still, try to set boundaries to meet your needs and avoid co-dependent attachment.
  • Focus on other things: Even if you don’t want to accept it, you have a life and it’s okay to focus on the things that don’t concern your loved one with BPD. Be firm in your choices and focus on other relationships.
  • Don’t make promises: Especially the ones you may not be able to keep. Try to be honest with yourself and with your loved one. That’s the best thing you can do to keep the relationship happy and healthy.
  • Find support: You don’t have to do everything by yourself and you are not solely responsible for your loved one’s feelings. If you’re worried about their safety, it’s okay to get help from a professional.
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What now?

Living with BPD and being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can be challenging, but not impossible. When you suffer from BPD, you often feel alone in your struggles and may find solace in no one other than your “sweetheart.” That’s okay too. Remember that you can get help and professional support to deal with such feelings.

The right therapy treatment can help you manage your symptoms of borderline personality and learn how to have a healthy BPD “darling person” relationship.

If you are a loved one for your loved one with BPD, you may also seek therapy and professional support to learn how to deal with the struggles co-dependent attachment, human-pleasingand constant assurances.

If you or your loved ones are in imminent danger, contact the 988 hotline or contact the nearest helpline number.

For more you can write to us at or DM us on social media. You can also let us know your thoughts on the BPD “Favorite Person” relationship in the comments below.

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Next reading:

Identifying Borderline Personality Disorder Triggers (and How to Avoid BPD Triggers)

What is splitting in BPD? Effects, examples and how to deal with them

20 examples of what NOT to say to someone with BPD

About the author

Swarnakshi Sharma

Swarnakshi is a content writer at Calm Sage and believes in a healthier lifestyle for both mind and body. As a fighter and survivor of depression, she strives to reach and spread awareness to end the stigma surrounding mental health issues. A spiritual person at heart, he believes in destiny and the power of self. An avid reader and writer, she enjoys spending her free time baking and learning about world cultures.


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